(Identity in Christ)

If I'm completely honest, I've had a difficult time remembering to read the identity statements we've been given morning and night, but this hasn't stopped me from continually being reminded of who I am in Christ. Due to alot of pain and broken relationships, I've had to learn the hard way that identity in Christ is essential in order to function in day to day life in health. Therefore, the past year or two has been a very long, difficult process continually discovering that He must be on the throne of my heart. 

When this topic was posed, it didn't take long for me to hear exactly what to write down, 

"Unhealthy need for people in my life"

So much work has occurred in my heart over the past couple years bringing me closer to a state of identity in Christ. Yet, throughout the process, I still find myself needing to feel validated by my social life and the people I surround myself with. 

Example:

"I am so excited to spend this afternoon in the presence of God, dwelling in His goodness. Before I do this, though, let me text Jeremiah and see if he wants to play basketball tonight." 

This process I feel is ingrained in me, but I believe it can be removed.

Here's another one:

"Here I am, sitting on this couch. All my roommates are out tonight. I have no plans. (This quickly turns into) "Oh my gosh, I don't have any friends, I'm a loser." (etc) Obviously, this isn't true. Let's be honest, too. I know it's not true. Yet, when my identity centers around people, when people aren't coming through, things start to get shaky.

Life verse pause: "I have set the Lord always before me, because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken." (Psalm 16:8) Anyway, 

Recently, I was given the opportunity to move into a one bedroom apartment a block and a half away from the church. At first, this idea scared me. "I'm extroverted. I need to be around people all the time." While I am extroverted and am created to be in relationship with humans, these above statements scream, "My identity will be shaken if I live alone." Though my main reason for moving is to be close to the church, my work, and my school, I'm sure this move will prove to be a place in which God will continue to speak into my identity- which is found in in Him. In the times when nothing is going on, when I have no plans, I can choose to dwell on the lies and let them grow, or I can continue to seek out the God of all creation who has called me out and loves me deeply. Imagine the growth that could happen in this time! Imagine how God could speak. 

I don't exactly know what else to say, but I do know for sure that I want my identity to be centered in Christ. I know that this will look comfort in being alone. Of course, I need people in my life. Community is in my DNA. What having an identity centered in Christ would mean would be a deep dependence on God in all situations, and a love for people that is actually healthy- and imagine how much better I could love people!

It's broken and flimsy, just like me"

"Really Dangaran, we have to do this?"

That was racing through my mind last Thursday evening. I'm sure I wasn't the only one. Yet, part of me was excited. What would this experiment bring? What conversations would happen because of it? How would it spark peoples thoughts?

I wanted my cross to be unique. I wanted it to stand out, and my heart was happy when compliments began to flood in from my fellow students, "wow Jon, your cross is my favorite."

The next day was interesting. As most of you know, I ride my bike everywhere. As I pulled out onto River road, the main street in Keizer, cross strapped to my back, I immediately felt the pressure of the symbol I had. I was labeled. At first this was uncomfortable. I was waiting for the "F#*! you's! Or the "Go to Hell's," but they didn't come. In fact, one man shouted at me, "praise the Lord!" I was encouraged by this. I was also encouraged by the fact that by the time I had rode to Broadway and back, hundreds of people had seen the cross. My guess is that in almost every person that saw it, some thought was sparked. Maybe it was negative, maybe it was positive, yet, either way, the thought of Jesus crossed their minds that wasn't there before. I have no idea (and probably never will) the impact wearing the cross while riding made.

Then, my "perfect, unique" cross began to fall apart. It was flimsy. It kept getting pulled apart, only to have to be put back together again. I found myself taking shoe strings to tie it together, but nothing seemed to work. This thing was not strong, and it was broken.

Wait a minute, is there a connection here?

Yup.

Soon, I found myself responding to those who made a remark about my cross with, "it's broken and flimsy, just like me." This really hit with me, and I hope it was encouraging for others.

In my life, I want to stand out. I want praise. I want people to affirm me and regard me as a "good christian." Not all of this is necessarily bad in and of itself, but this has definitely been an idol in my life (acceptance of people) and that is not okay.

So, as I walked around most of the week with a cross that constantly fell apart, that would dramatically bend and become disfigured at the slightest movement, and which eventually completely fell apart, unable for repair. This was a wonderful reminder and a symbol to to others,

"This cross is broken and flimsy, just like me, yet, it symbolizes the love that came down and bled for me because of my brokenness. In him, I am sweetly broken."

Alright Dangaran and Roth, I get it. It's been good. Thank you, and thank you Holy Spirit for speaking through it and pointing me to Jesus.